The days of the material world are over. We have moved into the digital realm. We talk to each other lyk dis and everything is very cncs (concise). We have no time 4 vowels or long wrds. We’ve got tngs 2 do n c, and don’t have time for sincere human interaction. Within time we’ll all exist strictly on the internet, in digital form. It sounds horrible, but we’ll save a ton of money on food.
For those of you behind the times, here is some social media behavior which will be commonplace in our future world.
This Tumblr note currently has over 2,800,000 notes, which means it’s been “liked” or re-blogged that many times. We’re hoping that all 2+ million of those notes are “likes,” as opposed to re-blogs. Otherwise, we’ve got some wizards on our hands. Or liars… which are even worse.
This record would not have been possible without social media. The only alternative would have been to organize a stampede of well-wishers at Bena Roberts’ door and that would have been chaos. But the important aspect of this record attempt is its good-naturedness. They say that mental health can actually improve physical health.* So, by my calculations, Twitter cures cancer. Thanks for wasting everyone’s time and money, doctors.
Ben Jenkins and Kia McNeely are the current world record holders for the “Longest High-Five,” a prestigious title formerly held by Toronto-tandem Sam Stilson and Craig Morrison, and the Australian duo of Matt Kelly and Dave Thompson. The length of the “Longest High-Five” refers to the combined distance traveled by the high-fivers before connecting at the approximate midway for a high-five. Here’s the video of their impressive feat:
Ben and Kia were kind enough to take part in an interview with me about the challenges, pressure, and a possible feud that came along with attempting to break that particular world record. It went a lot like this:
RS: Was this your first attempt?
Ben: We figured we’d just do it first try because we’re hardcore.
RS: How long did you train for?
Kia: Train? We’re both pretty athletic to start out with so we didn’t really need to train.
B: I did hold my hand in the air for twenty minutes a few days beforehand to make sure I could though. (more…)
In December of 2009, Sam Stilson and Craig Morrison of Toronto, Ontario set out to create an original, inspiring, and hilarious world record. Their achievement, “Longest High Five,” marked the first in a trilogy of high-five epics. “Longest” refers to the distance separating each high-fiver as they begin their high-five. The high-fivers move towards each other before connecting hands at the approximate midway point of the distance that separates them. Below is the original record, set two and a half years ago:
Stilson and Morrison’s flamboyant attire demonstrated their willingness to challenge themselves. Their decision to not wear gloves was ensured the high five’s authenticity, as well as its superior aural quality. Despite the distraction of their visible breath in the frigid conditions, the duo was able to complete a high-five after running a combined distance of 3.3 km.
A year and three months later, the world record title of Longest High-Five found a new home, halfway around the Earth. Matt Kelly and Dave Thompson of Brisbane, Australia became the first tandem to challenge and break the record.
Again, attire was a focal point. Kelly’s running shorts and Thompson’s shiny split-color track pants, although an eyesore for any passerby, were an important part of their psychological preparation. “We’re wearing better* pants than those guys,” Thompson proclaimed before embarking on the attempt. “Cannot be beaten,” added Kelly.
*It remains undetermined what exactly Dave meant by “better,” but if “better” is Australian slang for “horrific,” then his point is valid.