There comes a point in every person’s life when everything takes a turn for the worse. Our minds become infested by the outside world and we begin to lose the values and human decency that we were all born with. Our lives become almost completely self-serving. In many ways, this is a good thing. For instance, the loss of self-consciousness can lead to an uninhibited exploration of the self. Furthermore, without selfish businesspeople, we wouldn’t have capitalism and as a result we wouldn’t be able to buy things. And most importantly, the loss of morals drives those with insecurity to shatter the world records of innocent children and therefore drives traffic to our site.
So, in celebration of RecordSetter co-founder Corey Henderson’s idea to create a blog post about the top world records set by kids that adults have ruined by beating, I hereby present to you the Top World Records Set by Kids That Adults Have Ruined by Beating.
The brilliance and logic behind Patrick Hardin’s record world record for Most Money Placed on an Electronic Chessboard shouldn’t need any explanation. It’s safe to assume, however, that Mortimer Blackwell, the current record holder of Hardin’s original feat, does not share Hardin’s sense of subtle ingenuity.
The first adult to break this record:
And here’s the original, by Curtis Lull, which gets on this list based on sheer nerve. To submit a world record with the lowest possible value demonstrates a self-confidence and psychological stability that all adults should envy.
The original (and eternal) Armpit Fart King, Silas Hyde:
And the first to “de-throne” him, Ryan Loecker:
My advice to Ryan Loecker, the non-child who beat Silas Hyde’s original record for Most Armpit Farts in 30 Seconds? Pick on someone your own size. Grow up, and fart like a real man–through your butt hole.
Carinne Pinheiro set this original record with unbridled enthusiasm. Mack Moore, however, pounced on a criterial technicality and, in turn, Carinne’s innocence.
What’s the connection between random country music artists and David Letterman? There is none. That’s why the world record for Most Country Music Artists’ Names Painted Over an Image of David Letterman should only belong to a kid. Because, like kids, it makes no sense.
The current record, as seen below, was set by Marguerrite Madden–an adult. As you can see, it offers an unobstructed image of Letterman as well as an impressive collection of 334 illegible, white scribbles.
Up to this point, this particular blog update has supplied a steady dosage of hard-hitting reality. The final entry on this list is no different. First, we start off with the creator of this record, the legend that is Eliot Juvonen.
And now, the maniac that is Billy Disney.
If you feel unsettled by the events that have just transpired, congratulations on being an exception to the rule. Or, congratulations on not yet becoming an adult.